What If the Thing They Told You to Tone Down Is Actually Your Superpower?

There is something I want more women to hear:

The very thing someone once told you was “too much” might be the exact thing that sets you apart.

Your energy.

Your voice.

Your boldness.

Your joy.

Your leadership.

Your excitement.

Your presence.

Not everyone is going to understand it.

Not everyone is going to connect with it.

And honestly? That does not mean it is wrong.

Sometimes it means you are finally getting closer to who you really are.

Keep doing what you’re doing — even if it’s not for everybody

One of the hardest things to learn in business and in life is that your superpower is not supposed to be for everyone.

That can feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you grew up hearing things like:

“You’re bossy.”

“You talk too much.”

“You’re too loud.”

“You’re too energetic.”

“You need to calm down.”

Maybe as a kid, those things felt like flaws.

Maybe they made you question how you showed up.

Maybe they made you shrink.

But what if those same qualities are actually connected to the work you are meant to do?

What if being “bossy” became leadership?

What if “talking too much” became the ability to encourage, communicate, and connect?

What if being “too loud” became the courage to take up space and help other women do the same?

I think about that often, because I’ve lived it.

The feedback I never forgot

Back in 2013, I requested a website audit from a very successful wedding photography duo whose work I really respected. They were teaching at a workshop I attended, and receiving an audit from them was part of the experience.

At the time, I was about five years into my professional photography career. I had finished art school and was pursuing wedding photography, engagements, and portraits. My focus was different then, and my photography style was still developing.

But one thing had always been true:

I was still me.

Excited.

Happy.

Encouraging.

Expressive.

A little extra.

A lot of exclamation points.

A lot of smiley faces.

A lot of energy.

Some of the feedback they gave me was genuinely helpful. They pointed out areas where I needed to tighten up my site, refine my offerings, and be more intentional about my brand and messaging. And they were right about some of that. Growth requires honesty, and I’m grateful for the parts that helped me improve.

But there was another part of the feedback that stayed with me for a completely different reason.

They said my website felt busy and had “an overwhelming amount of happiness.”

They pointed out my grammar, my expressions, my tone, and the overall energy of the site. Their feedback made it clear that I was not the kind of brand they personally connected with.

And they were right about one thing:

I wasn’t for them.

What they saw as a weakness became part of my brand

At the time, feedback like that could have made me believe I needed to tone myself down.

Be less expressive.

Be less joyful.

Be less vibrant.

Be more polished.

More neutral.

More restrained.

But over time, I realized something important:

Some of the very things they saw as negatives were actually some of my greatest strengths.

The joy.

The hype.

The warmth.

The celebration.

The energy I bring into a room.

The way I make people feel seen.

Those were not liabilities.

They were clues.

They were pointing me toward the kind of brand I was actually meant to build.

Now, years later, I’ve fully embraced the fact that I am not trying to be the right fit for everyone. I am building a business around who I really am and the kind of experience I want people to have when they work with me.

And that experience is not quiet.

It is loud in the best way.

It is vibrant.

It is encouraging.

It is celebratory.

It is full of life.

You do not need to shrink to be successful

I think so many women are walking around with gifts they have been trained to apologize for.

They have leadership, but they’ve been told it’s too much.

They have strong opinions, but they’ve been told they’re too intense.

They have big energy, but they’ve been told to tone it down.

They know how to take up space, and someone somewhere made them feel like they shouldn’t.

But I want to say this as clearly as I can:

You do not need to become smaller to become successful.

You do not need to water yourself down to be chosen.

You do not need to become more palatable to the wrong people.

You do not need to hide the very thing that makes you powerful.

Sometimes what feels like “too much” in one room is exactly what is needed in another.

Be loud. Be vibrant. Be who you are.

I want to raise up the people who feel nervous to step fully into who they are.

The ones who are still questioning whether they’re too much.

The ones who are wondering if they need to soften their edges to be accepted.

And I also want to attract, work with, and celebrate the women who are already leading the charge.

The women who are ready.

The women who are bold.

The women who are building something meaningful.

The women who want to be seen, known, and celebrated.

That is who I love working with.

Not because they are perfect.

Not because they have it all figured out.

But because they are willing to show up.

They are willing to grow.

They are willing to own what makes them different.

And that matters.

The thing you’ve been criticized for might be the thing that changes everything

Sometimes, the very thing someone tries to convince you to change is the very thing that helps you stand out in a sea of competitors.

Not every criticism is wrong.

Sometimes feedback helps us refine.

Sometimes it helps us grow.

Sometimes it sharpens what we are building.

But not every critique deserves to become your identity.

Some things are meant to be edited.

Other things are meant to be embraced.

The wisdom is learning the difference.

For me, that looked like tightening my brand while still keeping my joy.

Growing in professionalism without losing my personality.

Becoming more intentional without becoming less myself.

And that has made all the difference.

A reminder for the woman reading this

So, if you have ever been told you are:

Too loud.

Too talkative.

Too much.

Too energetic.

Too happy.

Too bold.

I want you to pause before you decide that those things need to disappear.

Ask yourself:

Is this actually something I need to change?

Or is this part of my superpower?

Because maybe the thing you’ve been trying to tone down is actually the thing that helps you lead.

Maybe it’s the thing that helps you connect.

Maybe it’s the thing that helps people trust you.

Maybe it’s the thing that gives other women permission to stop shrinking too.

And maybe that matters more than being liked by everyone.

I would rather be fully myself and deeply aligned than watered down and universally appealing.

I want the women who work with me to know this:

You do not have to become someone else to be powerful.

You do not have to quiet your voice to be taken seriously.

You do not have to hide your joy to be professional.

You do not have to be less vibrant to be valuable.

Keep doing what you’re doing.

Keep becoming more of who you are.

Keep leaning into the gifts that make you different.

They may not be for everyone.

But they may be exactly what your people are looking for.

Be loud. Be vibrant. Be seen. Be known. Be celebrated.